John Boehner, Pesumptive Speaker of House, Outlines New Republican Agenda

Washington DC. Nov. 3, 2010. John Boehner, R- OH, who is presumed to be our next Speaker of the House, gave us the GOP's plan for sweeping changes and reforms when they take over next January.

• We will go back to giving hurricanes normal female names, like Frances, Louise, and Donna.
• No more celebrating Ramadan in the White House 
• Congress will be required to read the Cliff Notes summary of a bill before voting
• We will beef up the border patrol by adding nine or ten more guards
• We will pass an ethics rule that Congressmen must pay for their own hookers
• Flip flops will not be acceptable footwear for tourists visiting the Capitol Building
• Church attendance will be mandatory. Only acceptable excuse will be a note from your Pastor

Congressman Boehner seems very confident that the Republicans can achieve these ambitious goals. 

"No one thinks it will be easy. We have to repair the damage done by the past four years of Democrat control, but after that is done, I know we can make real headway," Boehner told this reporter.

"And one more thing," he added, make sure you spell my name right. It's Boehner, not Boner"