Napolitano Launces New iPhone Application

Washington DC, Dec 14, 2010. Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano today released a new iPhone application that is designed to help children inform on their parents, their teachers and on other children.

The new iPhone App with the misleading name ‘PatriotApp’ attempts to draw on the power of the patriot movement, turning smartphone users into a gigantic snitch network.

This app allows children to report any ‘suspicious’ behavior, including political extremism, hate speech, and even their obese friends directly to top government agencies.

Much like the new DHS program ‘If you see something, say something’ this app is meant to turn children  and average citizens into a network of spies feeding information back to the federal government.

The application was tested on various Obama Youth Groups early this year, and will be soon available for free downloads at the DHS website. President Barack Hussein Obama, D-Kenya, praised this as "an important step in protecting America from terrorism and extremism."

"This new application will speed up our response to terror threats and any other anti-social behavior" Secretary Napolitano told us. "Currently we only have nine threats listed, but we have plans to add many more, including "eating trans-fats, wearing fur, and using tobacco products."