President Makes New Years Resolution

Honolulu, Jan 1, 2011.  President Barack Hussein Obama, D-Kenya, has made his New Year's resolution for 2011. He says he will repair the American economy.

"I realize I made the same resolution twice before, in Jan 2009 and Jan 2010, but this time I really mean it," he told a Spin Cycle reporter. 

"I just said that stuff as an excuse to throw a lot of money around. But this time I am really serious. I don't want to go down in history as the President who doubled unemployment and tripled the national debt."

"Our most important task now is to finally get a real recovery going," Obama said. "As president, that's my commitment to you: to do everything I can to make sure our economy is growing, creating jobs, and strengthening our middle class. That's my resolution for the coming year."

Unemployment of nearly 10 percent and dissatisfaction over President Obama's past efforts to spur an economic recovery from the worst recession in decades helped fuel Republican victories in congressional elections in November.

 
"I'm willing to work with anyone of either party who's got a good idea and the commitment to see it through. Just as long as they share my National Socialist views."

"With millions of Americans unemployed or under-employed, we must work quickly to jumpstart our economy," he said. 

"And this can best be accomplished by me appointing more Czars and bailing out more corporations that contributed to my election campaign."

"It would probably help the economy a lot if I took a few more very expensive vacations in 2011. These extravagant vacations create a lot of jobs for bell boys, valet parking attendants and hotel chambermaids. I worry about these people, and I try to help them whenever I can."