Friday, January 28, 2011

President Extends Contracts with Corporate Sponsors

Washington DC, Jan 28, 2011. President Barack Hussein Obama, D-Kenya, announced today that he is extending his contracts with his corporate sponsors for another two years.

The President would not discuss the exact terms of the contract extensions, but informed sources tell us that in exchange for an undisclosed lump sum cash payment, the President will receive generous campaign contributions in 2012.

In exchange for this the President has agreed to shamelessly promote these corporations and to supply taxpayer funded bail-outs whenever they have a bad year. Which happens pretty often. This will effectively remove all risk for them, and give them a huge competitive advantage.

There are also unconfirmed reports that a retirement fund has been set up for President Obama, with a pension of approximately $100,000 per month for the rest of his life. This pension will be funded by the stockholders of these various corporations.

The actual list of Obama Corporate Sponsors is intended to be confidential, but it's hardly any secret that Goldman Sachs, GE, AIG, Progressive, JPMorgan, Berkshire Hathaway, Microsoft, Google and GM are among the corporations sponsoring the Obama Presidency.

Buffet goes over SOTU script with President Obama
Warren Buffet, de facto spokesman for the consortium has nothing but high praise for President Obama.

"He has been a better investment than we had hoped in our wildest dreams. He's bright, articulate and clean, and he will do anything we ask him to do. You really can't ask for more than that in a President."


  1. This is ridiculous! Just as there is an official division between church and state, there must be a division between corporation and government. Modern day merchants control the will of our state and that can not be good, as we have seen in the recent recession and the undeniable statistics that show the incredibly unjust distribution of wealth and resources. A few people are living rich while many are living poor. We have not really evolved from the Italian Mercantilist states of the 1400s. Next thing you know, a Medici will be running for the Oval Office.

  2. William, while I wrote this as satire, it is painfully obvious that President Obama has replaced the free market with his own oligarchy. This "Corpocracy" is now ruling our nation, and helping themselves freely to our treasury.

    Capitalism has been turned upside down. The corporations take no risks, since they are guaranteed a profit by the taxpayer bailouts. When they do make a profit, they keep it all for themselves, since they can evade taxes through the many loopholes Congress makes for them. (GE earns $14B in profits in 2010... pays no tax).