President Obama Negotiates Major Deal With China..... We Get Pandas.... They Get Taiwan

Washington DC. Jan 20, 2011. The White House today announced that President Barack Hussein Obama, D-Kenya, has successfully negotiated a major agreement with China.

Under the terms of this new agreement China will keep the two giant pandas Mei Xiang and Tian Tian in their U.S. home for five more years, and the USA will allow China to invade and annex Taiwan.

Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar and his Chinese counterpart held a signing ceremony this morning at Washington, DC's National Zoo.

China will also send experts on panda mating and breeding to help the endangered great pandas produce another cub.  The pair have already produced a cub, Tai Shan, in 2005, who's now in China.  The pair of great pandas first came to the U.S. in 2000 on a ten-year loan from China.

In return, the U.S. donated ten-million-dollars for panda conservation in China, and will permit China to invade, occupy and annex the long disputed island nation of Taiwan.

China has agreed to treat the Taiwanese people fairly, and says they will attempt to minimize rapes and murders during the invasion process.

President Obama was thrilled about his diplomatic triumph, as he made this public announcement:

"The Chinese and American people work together and create new opportunities together every single day. Mr. President (Hu), today we’ve shown that our governments can work together as well, for our mutual benefit. And that includes this bit of news under a new agreement, our National Zoo will continue to dazzle children and visitors with the beloved giant Pandas." (Applause.)

(Editor's Note: President Obama didn't actually say "Applause"... that was just what was printed on the sign flashed at the audience.)

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, D-NY, told us "This is a win-win situation for everyone involved. Except the Taiwanese people, of course."

Taiwan, an island of 23 million off China's southern coast, was occupied by Japan for fifty years, from 1895 to 1945. In 1949, after Chiang Kai-shek's Nationalist Party lost its power struggle with the Communist Party in China, Chiang and his followers fled to Taiwan.

Since then, the Communist Chinese government on the mainland has claimed the island as "part of China," and has demanded it's return.