|Newly appointed Gas Price Czar|
At a press conference this morning on the White House steps, the President introduced Peter J. Rabbit, who will be America's new "Czar for High Gas Prices."
"I have heard the concerns of the American public, I have weighed all my options, and I have developed a plan," the President told reporters.
"This new Czar will be responsible to investigate and report the reasons for the recent increase in gasoline prices, and then he will report directly to me so I can take measures to drive prices down."
The President assured reporters that he will use "any means necessary to drive gas prices down, even if this means raising gas taxes, banning more drilling sites, or bombing more nations in the middle east."
"Higher gas taxes are the best way to help conserve oil and reduce dangerous greenhouse gas emissions from cars and trucks. Too many Americans are needlessly wasting gasoline commuting to work each day, driving their children to school, and making frivolous shopping trips," he told us.
"We should be devoting more resources to implementing GE's outstanding system for high speed rail transport and buying more of the wonderful electric car made by GM, the Volt," President Obama emphasized.