Reelection Hopes Dim: Obama is stuck with Joe Biden

It's too late now. Obama is stuck with Biden

Washington DC, Aug. 18, 2012. President Barack Hussein Obama, D-Kenya, got some bad news this week when Secretary of State Hillary Clinton refused his offer of "swapping places" with Vice President Joe Biden, D- DE.

Vice President Biden is well known for his affinity towards putting his foot in his mouth, and frequently says things that are incomprehensible, completely wrong, or downright offensive. According to informed sources, this was the main reason Obama selected Biden as his running mate. With Biden at his side, Obama would always look like "the smart one."

After a series of recent unfortunate gaffes, the President was persuaded by his advisers to dump Joe Biden from the ticket for the upcoming election, and replace him with Hillary Clinton.  But Secretary of State Hillary Clinton could not be persuaded to change places with the inept Biden to bolster the President's reelection chances.

Ms. Clinton polls significantly better than the gaffe-prone VP, and could have supplied the margin of victory for President Obama. Ms. Clinton told one of our White House sources "Why on earth would I want to go down with a sinking ship? In 2008 the Democrat Party selected Obama over me, despite the fact that I won more primary races with more votes. Now, they can dig their way out of this mess without my help."

Ms. Clinton and Angela Merkel swap Biden jokes

Former Virginia Governor Douglas Wilder, D-VA, shared his reaction to Vice President Joe Biden's recent series of verbal gaffes. Wilder doesn’t think it’s too late for Biden to apologize for the comments said in Virginia, but pointed out that Biden stated he was in North Carolina, “You’re in Virginia man. Get your act together.”

“This doesn’t help the president,” Wilder said. Although he has serious doubts that Biden could help Obama in the upcoming election, he said, “It’s not too late for Joe Biden to clean up his act.”

Wilder concluded, “[Obama’s] stuck. It’s almost like the tar baby. He’s stuck with what he’s got.”

Kenyan Village Prepares for Barack Obama Homecoming

Obama's grandmother Sara is planning a chicken dinner in his honor

Kogelo, Kenya July 31, 2012. The tiny western Kenyan village of Kogelo is anxiously looking forward to the return of their native son Barack Hussein Obama, D-Kenya, after he loses the election in November.

"We are having mixed emotions about all of this," tribal chieftain B'zongo Umbaca told us.

"We are anxiously wanting to see our brother Barack back home, but we are also very disappointed that he will lose the election."

Our reporter asked the village chieftain why he was so certain that Obama would lose. "We are not stupid. We can see the same polls you can see. We have internet now. We read Drudge Report here in Kenya, and we can watch CNN on the television at town library," he told us.

"We just don't see how he can win. We know all his policies have failed, and he has created huge debts for his nation. The Americans were very kind to give him a chance, but it is such a pity that he wasted it playing golf and going on so many vacations," he told us.

"It is a big problem when Americans are coming to Kenya to find jobs because there are no jobs left in the USA. Barack really tried his best, but the gods were not with him. He have much bad juju. Too much for any man to overcome."

Obama's fourth cousin George Odour

"In Kenya we have a saying "umgowa g'nati bazongo kafries," which when translated means "he inherited a big mess of goat droppings."

"You see, Barack was not the smartest Obama son. He probably would have made a very good shepherd or farmer. It was too much to ask him to lead a big nation.  But we are still very happy that he will be coming home to live with us again. We are looking forward to seeing him with our hearts filled with joy," Chief Umbaca continued.

The President's step grandmother "Mama Sara" is planning a feast of freshly killed chicken when he comes home. "I know he probably would prefer dogmeat, but we don't eat dogs here in Kenya."

"This is a civilized nation. We are not savages like those Indonesians are. That is a bad habit he picked up in Indonesia, and you can blame his Indonesian stepfather for that," she told us.

Kogelo Dance Troupe rehearsing for the Homecoming Festival

"We are all praying for a miracle now. Maybe ACORN can do some voodoo magic, like they did for Al Franken. We are hoping for the best but are also preparing for the worst," President Obama's fourth cousin George Odour told us.

"If the worst happens, at least we will have our brother back home with us. That is not such a bad thing to happen. The whole village will be celebrating and thanking all the gods for his safe return."

Obama Press Secretary Marries ABC News Reporter

ABC News Hack Reporter Matt Jaffee

Lake Geneva WI, July 30, 2012. Making both a romantic and political statement, President Barack Hussein Obama's, D-Kenya, Deputy Press Secretary Katie Hogan has married ABC News reporter Matthew Jaffe last Saturday night.

This wedding will symbolize the close relationship between ABC News and the Barack Obama Administration. The ABC reporter, Matthew Jaffe, "covering the 2012 presidential campaign," according to his biography on the website of ABC News.

"For the past year he traveled around the country covering the Republican primary, from the Iowa Straw Poll to the various debates to this year's primaries and caucuses."

Many members of Obama's reelection team and the White House press celebrated the wedding together Saturday and the official merger of the Obama Administration and the mainstream media.

One of the Presidents close political allies, Congressman Barney Frank, D-MA, has hinted that he is very interested in marrying CNN anchorman Anderson Cooper to help cement the Democrat Party's close affiliation with the mainstream media.

The close relationship between Obama's staff and the media keeps getting closer and closer, as the mainstream media works hard to get him reelected in November.  

If a romance develops, Frank says he will put his teeth back in

At least four marriages came out of the 2008 Barack Obama campaign, including the recent wedding of the President’s deputy press secretary, Katie Hogan, to ABC reporter Matt Jaffe.

“Dozens of relationships were formed over late-night pizza and a belief in the possibility of a historic campaign,” says Jen Psaki, 33, former White House deputy communications director.

Obama Partners With Mexico to Promote Food Stamp Use

President Obama and Mexican President Calderone

Washington DC, July 20, 2012. President Barack Hussein Obama, D-Kenya, has ordered his  Department of Agriculture to keep working with the Mexican government to increase the participation of Mexican nationals in our food stamp program.

The USDA has had an agreement with Mexico to promote American food assistance programs, including food stamps, among Mexican Americans, Mexican nationals and migrant communities in America.


The President wants to strengthen and continue this program,saying "Eventually they will all get amnesty anyway, so we might as well start them off on the right foot. And that means....dependent on our Federal Government."

When people are dependent on the Federal Government for food, housing, and medical care, they are more likely to vote Democrat when they eventually get around to voting. And being an illegal alien is no barrier to voting as long as we don't require voter ID at the polls.

“USDA and the government of Mexico have entered into a partnership to help educate Mexican nationals living in the United States about available nutrition assistance,” the USDA explains in a brief paragraph on their “Reaching Low-Income Hispanics With Nutrition Assistance” web page. “Mexico will help disseminate this information through its embassy and network of approximately 50 consular offices.” 

The partnership sees to it that the Mexican Embassy and Mexican consulates in America provide USDA nutrition assistance program information to Mexican Americans, Mexican nationals working in America and migrant communities in America.

The goal, for USDA, is to get rid of what they see as enrollment obstacles and increase access among potentially eligible populations by working with arms of the Mexican government in America.

Anthony Weiner Considering Run for Mayor of NYC

"How hard could it be? If Bloomberg can do it, anyone can."

NYC, July 18, 2012. Former congressman Anthony Weiner is considering returning to public life by running for mayor of New York City.

The disgraced liberal Democrat, who was forced to resign from Congress after he admitted to sending sexually suggestive photos of himself to several women, has begun making moves to come back into politics after 13 months living as a private citizen.

"Look, I can ban salt and sugar just as well as Bloomberg can," Weiner told us. "I can outlaw tobacco, raise all taxes and ban cars in Manhattan too.. I'm not in any way limited."

Former Congressman Weiner's election strategy is "to give the voters in NYC exactly what they want." He told our reporter "If they want higher taxes, then I'm the man for the job. Don't ever forget that I was mentored by Barack Obama.  I will specialize in driving taxes up and driving business out of NYC."

His wife Huma Abedin who has a high-powered job as a top aide to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, completely supports her husband's desire to be the next Mayor of NYC. "Anthony will do a wonderful job," Ms. Abedin said, "Allah be willing."

"Joey" Chou Sum Mung, a Weiner supporter from Chinatown told us "It will be the best thing for New York if Weiner is erected."

Weiner is well positioned for a comeback. His campaign coffers still have $4.5million he raised as Congressman.

Anthony Weiner still has strong support from NYC's liberals

He has also kept his Manhattan campaign office, his website AnthonyWeiner.com and the Twitter handle that got him into trouble.

Voters in NYC really don't pay that much attention to whether a politician is honest as long as they are sufficiently liberal.

This explains how Hillary Clinton got elected as Senator twice, while running against much better qualified candidates.

Hillary Clinton Showered With Gifts by Egyptian People

Mrs. Clinton really enjoyed her visit

Cairo, July 16, 2012.  Yesterday during her official state visit Obama administration Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was showered with gifts and presents from Egyptian well wishers

Enthusiastic Egyptian fans threw wonderful tomatoes and well made shoes at Mrs. Clinton, as a symbol of their friendship and deep affection for her.

Mrs. Clinton was overwhelmed by the gesture and said she really appreciated the friendship and generosity of the Egyptian people.

"It's just so thrilling to get this kind of warm reception from these people," Mrs. Clinton told us. "And the best part was I really needed some new shoes. But I already have too many sandals. I need some nice pumps to go with my pantsuits," the Secretary of State continued.

"Someone tossed me a pair of size 23 shoes that are way too big for me, but would make the perfect Kwanzaa gift for Michelle Obama. I'm going to save those and re-gift them!"

The enthusiastic crowd also offered Mrs. Clinton gifts of various Egyptian fruits and vegetables. "Those Egyptian tomatoes really are wonderful. They are much sweeter and tastier than our own kind," Mrs. Clinton added.

Part of the loot Hillary will be bringing home with her

"I think they might have been confused because they got my name wrong. They kept chanting 'Monica, Monica, Monica' by mistake. I suppose names sometimes get lost in translation, but I still appreciate their gesture of friendship."

Former President Clinton told us "It is always nice when Hillary gets to visit nations 6,000 miles from home. I actually look forward to it."

"That's really the best thing about her job," the former President continued, "she really enjoys traveling and meeting new people."

Barack Obama Repeals Clinton's Welfare Reform Act

"I pulled another fast one, and no one noticed!"

Washington DC, July 13, 2012. In a low key and unpublicized move yesterday President Barack Hussein Obama, D-Kenya, completely gutted President Clinton's Welfare Reform Act of 1996.

By releasing an official policy directive President Obama has essentially rewritten Clinton's welfare reform which had required a work requirement.

Obama's directive now allows the Department of Health and Human Services to waive the work requirement at the heart of welfare reform.

That reform, originally vetoed but later signed into law by President Bill Clinton, is widely viewed as the most successful policy initiative in a generation and the major achievement of Clinton's presidency. 

Under the law, the growth in welfare rolls was reversed and millions of people moved from welfare to work.
Despite its success, however, many liberals remain opposed to reform.  For example, in the years immediately after passage of the law, Barack Obama himself pledged to do all he could to undo it.  And now, he has done exactly that.

President Obama’s directive means “the end of welfare reform as we know it.”  In coming days, look for the Romney campaign to press that case — showcasing what Obama has done in office, even as the president fixates on an imaginary narrative of what happened at Bain Capital years ago.

"Something is wrong with that boy"

This morning, with Obama’s action still largely unreported, Mitt Romney released a statement calling Obama’s move “completely misdirected.”

“President Obama now wants to strip the established work requirements from welfare,” Romney said.

“The success of bipartisan welfare reform, passed under President Clinton, has rested on the obligation of work. The president’s action is completely misdirected. Work is a dignified endeavor, and the linkage of work and welfare is essential to prevent welfare from becoming a way of life.”