Pope Benedict To Step Down; Hillary Clinton Will Seek Job

Vatican City, Feb 11, 2013. Pope Benedict XVI, the spiritual head of the Roman Catholic Church has has announced that he will resign his post, effective at the end of the month.  It is the first time a pope resigned in nearly 600 years.

In his statement he said that he believes that in today's world a pope must be strong enough to speak and engage in activities, and that his own health has deteriorated much in recent months.

The pope, who is 85 years old, said he has had to recognize his incapacity to adequately fulfill his ministry.  He said his "strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited" to the demands of the job.

Former First Lady, Senator from NY, and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has announced that she will be available to replace the Pope in his capacity. 

Ms. Clinton is currently without a job, and is anxious to move on to something new. Although technically not a Roman Catholic, Ms. Clinton believes she is ideally suited for the job. "I have a lot of experience as an advocate for women and families, and I believe we need a strong woman in this job now," she told us.

Her husband, former President Bill Clinton, told us "that job probably pays really well, maybe three or four million a year, and we can always use the extra money."

Bill and Hillary with former Pope John Paul II

The former Secretary of State says she will reform the church, making female priests, abortion rights, and gay marriage ceremonies consistent with Canon Law.  "We need to modernize the church, and bring it into the 21st Century," she remarked.

Ms. Clinton reminded us that she has prior experience posing for photos with other Popes when she was First Lady. She believes that this would enhance her qualifications for the post, and make her a more effective Pope.

If Ms. Clinton is selected for the job by the College of Cardinals, then she will become Pope Hillary II, since there was a Pope Hilary (actually known as Pope Hilarius) from 461 to 468 AD.