Mayor Bloomberg Orders Crackdown on OWS Protesters

Some protesters were seen eating salt.... Others were seen smoking cigarettes

Bloomberg has reached his limit.

NYC, Oct 24, 2011. New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has had enough!

When reports came to his office that some of the protesters involved in the "Occupy Wall Street" protest were seen eating salt filled snack foods, and smoking cigarettes in public places, he decided to crack down on the socially unacceptable lawlessness.

The New York City Mayor told us he just couldn't tolerate this reckless lawbreaking anymore.

"It's one thing to protest the inequity of having to pay back student loans, but when they started eating banned foods, and smoking noxious tobacco products, then it was time to crack down."

The Mayor explained that cigarette smoking is intolerable in NYC because "everyone is subjected to their horrible and deadly fumes." This was a public health issue he insisted, and not an attempt to undermine anyone's right to dissent. Similarly, eating salty snack foods, some of which were fried in dangerous trans fat oils, puts enormous strain on our Public Health system. "These are nothing more than poisons," he told us.

Bloomberg said he had no objection to protestors eating healthy vegetables in public places, like broccoli and carrot sticks, or smoking much less dangerous substances like marijuana and hashish that are so popular in NYC.  "We just had to draw the line someplace," the three term mayor said.

This youth was caught eating potato chips

The NYPD arrested 38 protestors, hauling them off to a detention center in lower Manhattan where they will be duly charged with with these serious violations of law. "They will all get fair trials, and will all be represented by public defenders," the Mayor assured us.

Bloomberg denied that this crackdown had anything to do with him personally being in the "top 1% of the top 1%" as one of the wealthiest men in America today. "I agree with everything these protestors say."

"I'm all for eating the rich, and reelecting President Obama, but when they start eating salty foods, and smoking tobacco, then they have crossed the line. Something had to be done!"