President Appoints New Czar to Lower Gas Prices

Newly appointed Gas Price Czar

Washington DC. Apr 27, 2011. As he moves through his third year in office, President Barack Hussein Obama, D-Kenya, has appointed his 53rd Czar.

At a press conference this morning on the White House steps, the President introduced Peter J. Rabbit, who will be America's new "Czar for High Gas Prices."

"I have heard the concerns of the American public, I have weighed all my options, and I have developed a plan," the President told reporters. 

"This new Czar will be responsible to investigate and report the reasons for the recent increase in gasoline prices, and then he will report directly to me so I can take measures to drive prices down."

The President assured reporters that he will use "any means necessary to drive gas prices down, even if this means raising gas taxes, banning more drilling sites, or bombing more nations in the middle east."

"Higher gas taxes are the best way to help conserve oil and reduce dangerous greenhouse gas emissions from cars and trucks. Too many Americans are needlessly wasting gasoline commuting to work each day, driving their children to school, and making frivolous shopping trips," he told us.

"I have been told that some people are spending $200 per week for gasoline, and this practice must stop for the good of the nation and the health of the environment" the President added.

"We should be devoting more resources to implementing GE's outstanding system for high speed rail transport and buying more of the wonderful electric car made by GM, the Volt," President Obama emphasized.